OT: Parenting

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Bronze
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Post by Bronze » 24 March 07 12:02 pm

I was just making lunch and my post was going over and over in my head.

I just want to point out that I'm not telling anyone how to parent. There are so many different people, cultures, expectation and walks of life that in no way am I telling anyone how to raise their kids. I was just stating things that work for us.

I can bet my left leg that in most cases what works for me is not going to work for you. But I do think that when things get difficult you should ask for help and think outside the square a little.

Slider & Smurf
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Post by Slider & Smurf » 24 March 07 12:38 pm

Bronze wrote:My wife refused to shop with our oldest son anymore when he was about 4. He chucked a full on tanty one day in the supermarket because he couldn't get what he wanted, so I chucked a bigger one right next to him mimicking everything he did until he ran out of the shop.
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And I thought Slider was the only one with this idea ... hopefully we won't need to employ this tactic for a while, Glowbug's not yet 7mo. I'm somewhat torn over the idea - I don't want my daughter to be chucking a tanty in public ... but geez it'd be funny to see Slider throw himself to the floor, kicking and screaming alongside her!! :twisted:
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Must remember to pack a camera when we go shopping in future :wink:

Team Red Devil
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Post by Team Red Devil » 25 March 07 6:04 pm

Bronze,

I appreciate and enjoyed your reply to my post greatly. I agree with everything you said, however, as someone who is currently dealing with DCD (DOCS/Welfare), I have a very jaded view of the system at the moment.
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<br>When I was fourteen, I had several friends go into juvenile detention, and it was certainly much more fun than you made it sound back then, perhaps now its worse.
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I'm not advocating smacking as a punishment, but as you said- for some parents it works. I don't like to smack- its also an absolute last resort for me too- my daughter knows by the tone of my voice when she's in trouble. Right up till now, I only ever have to start counting- and I have never had to actually follow through and smack her- just the threat that I will is enough! Its great as a deterrent! My dad used to make stupid threats like 'I'll smash your heads together' or "I'll break your fingers/arm/leg' I hated that- because I KNEW he was SSSOOO not going to follow through! My mum (unlike my dad-who enjoyed dishing out corporal punishment and verbal abuse) was always the one who was 'Firm, Yet Reasonable'. She rarely lost her cool, and we respected her because she respected us, and she taught us the right way, and didn't want to belt the wrong way out of us! My daughter has been smacked on occasion, and its at those times that I have felt like the worst parent in the world- I hated being smacked as a child- and I vowed to never traumatise my offspring that way.
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My daughter is an AMAZING little woman...she is my absolute life's joy and purpose, and it has been my mission since she was born to help create a wonderful, honest woman, respectful of herself and others, and the world around her. She is the reason I get out of bed every morning...and she brings me joy beyond words...so I have promised myself to be the best mother I can be. She is ten in July....and has been in foster care since May 2006- someone made some very false and very nasty allegations, and I have been fighting with them to get her back- its amazing how ridiculous the law is. In a family court- you just have to have enough 'suspicion' in order to get them to take children away, and keep them away indefinitely- you don't need 'Proof'. Insane. Truly insane.
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I have many faults, and many things that contribute to the way I parent- which includes me spoiling her quite a lot, she's my only child! But she still knows and respects boundaries and rules. My life has been one of sadness, one of hardship, one of indescribable pain and hurt...yet I still smile- because I have the most beautiful daughter in the world, and I am lucky enough to see the mistakes my parents made, and to rectify them in my parenting.
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And as for tantrums whilst shopping- we don't have those. From the time she was little- if she threw a tanty- she was either put into her stroller, or put into the seat of a trolley. When she was old enough to understand what we were saying to her I would say 'Mummy has things she needs to do now, so you have a choice- you can either walk by my side nicely, or sit in the trolley nicely. And IF you can show me you can be a good girl, then I might buy you a treat.' And I would follow up on that. If she was a good girl, then I'd buy her a treat. It was never the item that she threw the tanty about though- that would have been parental suicide! Wrong or right- it worked for me- she stopped throwing tantrums at the shops from about 4 yrs onwards....and she's nearly ten now.
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