Politics Explained.

Bronze · Post by **Bronze** » 25 June 07 10:42 pm

Not caching related. Just for laughs.

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

PURE SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. You have to take care of all of the cows. The government gives you as much milk as you need.

BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and put them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as much milk and eggs as the regulations say you need.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them and sells you the milk.

PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take care of them, and you all share the milk.

RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of them, but the government takes all the milk.

CAMBODIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes both of them and shoots you.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. Then it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

PURE ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or your neighbors try to take the cows and kill you.

LIBERTARIAN/ANARCHO-CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

Source: http://www.sjgames.com/illuminati/politics.html

rogainer · Post by **rogainer** » 25 June 07 11:03 pm

MICROSOFTISM : You need a machine to milk your two cows, but have to buy a barn twice the size of your existing one to house the machine.

Postman Pat · Post by **Postman Pat** » 26 June 07 11:45 am

OK I give up where did you get the two cows to start with

Bronze · Post by **Bronze** » 26 June 07 12:05 pm

CREATIONISM: ...

EVOLUTIONISTISM ...

Take your pick.

rogainer · Post by **rogainer** » 26 June 07 2:03 pm

Postman Pat wrote:OK I give up where did you get the two cows to start with

www.tucows.com

Bunya · Post by **Bunya** » 26 June 07 4:46 pm

Postman Pat wrote:OK I give up where did you get the two cows to start with

You have a mummy cow and a daddy cow and <family unfriendly content removed by moderator>.

Mr Router · Post by **Mr Router** » 26 June 07 6:15 pm

rogainer wrote:
Postman Pat wrote:OK I give up where did you get the two cows to start with
www.tucows.com

Yep thats about as close as we get is tucows

unbreakables · Post by **unbreakables** » 26 June 07 6:43 pm

Bronzie!'' time for another cuppa, you are thinking toooooo hard again!!!!!

Bronze · Post by **Bronze** » 26 June 07 9:00 pm

unbreakables wrote:Bronzie!'' time for another cuppa, you are thinking toooooo hard again!!!!!

I think your thinking is right.

Doh - Walked right into that one.

*Walks off to kettle*

unbreakables · Post by **unbreakables** » 26 June 07 9:29 pm

[quote="Bronze"].

Doh - Walked right into that one.

(insert smiley face walking into a wall emo-con!)

GeoScrubers · Post by **GeoScrubers** » 26 June 07 11:08 pm

Bronze wrote:
unbreakables wrote:Bronzie!'' time for another cuppa, you are thinking toooooo hard again!!!!!
I think your thinking is right.

Doh - Walked right into that one.

*Walks off to kettle*

Do you take milk ???

Bronze · Post by **Bronze** » 26 June 07 11:12 pm

Usually, not always. Depends on the blend.

Black teas = yes.
Green and Oolong = No.
Chai with vanilla = yes.
Ginger and lemongrass = No.

OMY130 · Post by **OMY130** » 26 June 07 11:13 pm

While on his morning walk, Prime Minister John Howard falls over, has a heart attack and dies because the accident and emergency ward at his nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat him in time. So his soul arrives in Heaven and he is met by St Peter at the Pearly Gates."Welcome to Heaven," says St Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a Liberal around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you." 

"No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer," saysthe PM. 

"I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God Himself, who says that since the implementation of His new HEAVEN CHOICES policy, you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you'll live for all eternity.". 

"But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven," simpers Howard.. 

"I'm sorry but we have our rules," Peter says firmly. And with that he escorts Howard to an elevator, which goes down, down, down ... all the way to Hell. When the doors open Johnny finds himself in the middle of a lush golfcourse.The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 24 degrees. In the distance is a beautiful clubhouse, and standing in front of it is Bob Menzies and other Liberal Party luminaries who have helped him out over the years - Harold Holt, John Gorton, Billy McMahon; they're all there, and everyone is laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed.. 
They run to greet him, hug him and start to reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.' They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar.
The Devil himself comes up to Howard with a frosty drink, "Have a tequila and relax, John!". 

"Uh, I can't drink any more, I took a pledge," says Howard, dejectedly.. 

"Hell, son, this is Hell! You can drink and eat all you want without a worry, and it just gets better from there!" . 

Howard takes the drink and finds himself liking the Devil, who he thinks is a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes like himself and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like the ones the Liberals pulled with the GST and the Free Trade Agreement promisesThey are having such a great time that, before he realises it it's time to go.Everyone gives him a big hug and waves as he steps on the elevator and heads upward.. 

When the elevator door reopens he is in Heaven again and St Peter is waiting for him. "Now it's time to visit Heaven," the old man says, opening the gate. So for 24 hours Howard is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or short-[wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth] joke among them.. 
No fancy country clubs here and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster - and these people are all poor. Johnny doesn't see anybody he knows and he isn't even treated like someone special. Whoa," he thinks to himself. "Bob Menzies never prepared me for this!". 

The day done, St Peter returns. "Well, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for eternity." . 

With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background, Howard reflects for a minute ... then answers: "Well, I would never have thought I'd say this - I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all, but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends.". 

So St Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down, all the way to Hell.. 

When the elevator doors open he is in the middle of a barren, scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial waste. He is horrified tosee his friends dressed in rags and chained together, picking up rubbish and putting it into black plastic bags. They groan and moan in pain, their faces and hands black with grime.The Devil comes over to Howard and puts an arm around his shoulder. "Welcome, John!". 

"I don't understand," stammers a shocked Howard. "Yesterday there was a golf course and a club-house, and we ate lobster and caviar, and dranktequila; we lazed around and had a great time and now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!" . 

The Devil looks at him, smiles slyly and purrs, "Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us!"

Bronze · Post by **Bronze** » 26 June 07 11:20 pm

He he.... good one.

Vote for me.